Death has a way of reshaping us.

In March, my mother passed away. She had stage four cancer so it should not have been a surprise and yet death is so mysterious that it is still shocking when I think about it. How is it that she is not here in a body? What happens after we die? Losing a loved one, let alone a parent, initiates us into a journey of transformation. An opportunity to reshuffle our priorities and perspectives. I keep finding myself wondering: what is this humaning really about? If consciousness continues after death, what will we see as we look back on our lives? What will we wish we had done or not done?

In this fantasy, there is no judgmental God or “other” making an assessment of my lifetime. It’s just me. It’s my own heart’s desires, my own silly hopes and dreams. Was I able to be true to myself? Did I live authentically? All of these questions have opened me up to seeing my life from a different perspective. What if all I had been taught my life was supposed to be about (success, accomplishment, security, being liked) was never the point? What if I was only ever meant to know myself deeply and live from my one true heart?

Death has a way of reshaping us. It’s not just the transformative power of grief. It’s also how close we get to the other side of this weird human existence. It’s how close we find ourselves to the void. For some reason, this has never scared me. Through multiple near death experiences, letting myself dissolve in long periods of meditation, and losing both of my parents and a dear friend, I find that whenever I make contact with this mystery, I can more easily let go of what is not relevant…I discover deeper truths inside of me. I can live this short, fleeting life more fully, more alive, more free.